when i feel like i need to leave the world either in a bad way or a good way, with someone or without someone, theres one spot i always go to. this post will be a small journey. get comfortable, put on some music (preferably what i will put right here as a recommendation click here for it also theres another song at the very end of the post) and imagine that i am guiding you through my secret spot where i seek shelter when im in crisis. though i make it sound like me coming here is an occasion even though i visit every single day. in this day of age we are all so connected but not, and the connection that we sometimes form through the internet is malicious. sometimes thats true for connections in the real world. we are at the point of this post where i really hope u are listening to the recommended instrumental, as it is what i am listening to right now (already at 2:12 when typing these letters) and these can really help transfer the emotions and the feelings that i feel while typing these sentences and words. like i was saying many of these connections end in betrayal, disappointment, and even worse, rage. unfortunately i experience a lot of these. sometimes im being copied, or sometimes just annoyed. but we all have to remember, how complicated the human body is, and we are all living and breathing miracles. this is the place noone will try to take from me, and i am sharing it with you all <3 this is the place where i can take refuge from all of these malicious connections and often just events with noone behind them, just the universe pulling the strings. enough talking now, lets begin.
by this point you mustve seen the first picture, which is at night, even thought most of these wont be at night. i tried to keep it coherent, but i just couldnt skip the very first stop, which is this bridge. i always have to walk by it, as a railroad is seperating me from my "place of refuge". i need to climb a flight of stairs then climb down also, but its not that big of a deal, sometimes i even enjoy looking over the traintracks, especially if something is coming. in this place i have felt so many feelings. anxiety, like taking the final steps for an achivement, and i even smoked here. im going to dive a bit into smoking here because i will try to write a bit about everything. i barely smoked when this picture was taken, and i only did for the feeling of dizziness and this weird feeling nicotine gave me, which it gives when your body doesnt adapt to it. i guess thats one of the things that saved me from addiction, that i didnt want my body to be immune to that. when i look at this picture, i feel safety, power, and self control. i hope you feel it too.
the photo you are looking at is one of the two photos that werent taken on the same day as the others. and were already over the main part of the railway tracks. where we are going will be next to sidelines branching off the main tracks so dont be confused. the cat you see is one of many living in this place, probably a family since they are all black. they remind me of cocoa, so when i see them i often interupt my journey to go to a nearby supermarket and feed them. these cats were also the cover of my very first, and pretty bad ambient ep. they inspired me as a person, and as an artist if i can call myself that. when im looking at this picture i feel helplessness, but also a willingness from me to help, and positivity. after all many of us struggle with similar issues and seek comfort in eachother, while catfood is just really really cheap, helping out someone is actually free. i also feel regret because often i refuse help or refuse to give it. but thats how people work. try to do as much good as you can to balance the scale. knowing that the scale is in the direction of good will help you, even without thinking about what comes after life. by this time i had to restart the song i was listening to but you probably read faster than how i paste pictures and write text.
'- i dont have the money
- its not for sale
it will take progress and determination. now ofcourse when we make up our mind about something like this, chances are slim we might actually pull it off. still, treat it like its GOING TO HAPPEN. by the way the song restarted for the second time for me.
determination
power
'
i ran out of pictures. haha i was so in this weird state that i just couldve kept going. well here comes the cat pictures and the flowers and stuff. if you read this long, im honestly so thankful and i hope you enjoyed this as much as i did.
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bonus song
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